Birthday Cake

Cravings are funny things... I spent the entire day unable to think about just about anything besides birthday cake. I visited an elderly patient/friend at her 90th Birthday celebration over the weekend. I arrived in the middle right after they had served the cake. I could smell it when I walked in the door. I tried to avoid eye contact with the cake. I knew if I looked at it my will would leave my body and I'd be at the will of that fine, moist, chocolatey goodness. So I looked only at Ruth and the floor, anywhere else and that cake would have gotten the best of me!

Ever since then, I have an overwhelming desire to eat birthday cake! I even had a dream about it last night. This is bad. Trying to convince myself not to eat one of my most favorite treats is HARD! To say the least. It is like a magnet pulling me toward exactly what I don't want which is gluten, added pounds, sluggish metabolism, afternoon fatigue ... depression.

I spent most of the day living in, allowing myself to feel, an overwhelming sadness. I can't decide if it had anything to do with the weather (it was cold and rainy here again) or if it is related to my dietary choices and the fact that I probably won't eat birthday cake again, at least not like I used to, with gluten and those beautiful frosting flowers. I mean that's just sad. But I didn't dwell on why I felt so sad, I just let it be, because it always passes. Tomorrow is another day, one that is likely better than today. Dr. John said to me today (something he heard somewhere) that your past is dead, it's over, and there's no getting it back, and why would you want to? Each day you live is better than the one before. Everyday you grow, change, and get one day closer to God.

So I don't know if birthday cake is completely in my past and dead, but it was three days ago I was in the same room as a cake and didn't have a piece! But the delicious aroma is still lingering in my nostrils. And the best thing is? I didn't eat a piece. Not one crumb, not one lick of frosting! Amazing. Cake is like crack. Maybe I need a 12-step program...