Resolutions, Really?: A New Take on an Old Tradition

I'm not a big fan of Christmas. As a kid it was always built up by the adults around me. "Are you excited for Christmas?" "What's Santa going to bring you?" "I'll bet you can't wait to open your presents! They are going to be great!" But after several years of the actual day not living up to the build-up that preceded it, I can just be an all out grump on Christmas. Well, now that I have kids I try to keep that in check. It is a real joy to watch them be wowed by their gifts although my son always seems disappointed in what he's gotten. (I know how you feel kid.) I don't know what I was expecting as a kid that always led to the disappointment but the way the grown-ups made it seem I'm sure it was something on the order of dancing unicorns with sparkling stars and rainbows following behind. Maybe I was hoping to get what I actually asked Santa for. Who knows. And try as we might to redirect our kids' expectations away from gifts and toward enjoying the real reason for the season, charity, giving more than receiving, my son seems plagued by the same build-up and disappointment. So this year, I've told him I haven't gotten them anything (he knows I'm kidding, I'm not THAT mean). I'm hoping maybe then when he gets the overly extravagant gift we've gotten then, he'll be satisfied and excited. Maybe not. It's not sparkly unicorns, or in his case, Goku in the flesh. But then again, maybe not. (Actually I think just like me, my son is way more impressed with gifts of time and attention than gifts of material things.)

Even as much as I dislike Christmas and the disappointment that Santa doesn't really exist, I have always loved New Year's. Especially the week leading up to it. It is exciting to have a blank slate in front of you, a whole year ahead to change things, to start fresh, to have a new life. It just feels like life is wide open. I get the euphoric sense that anything is possible. I write down goals, I plan, I make lists, I declutter and organize. There's just something about an entire year set before me that inspires me.

Of course, as time ticks by and I don't get as much done as I had hoped, I feel a little down. One way to avoid getting too down on myself for not getting as much done as I wanted is by taking what I've come to call a "year-end inventory." Basically I sit down with my calendar (I used to keep a paper daily appointment book, but now it's on my computer) and add up what I've done for the year. I make a list of all of the things I did accomplish so I can see, not relying merely on memory, what exactly I did all year. Then I can see numerically what I've done. How many times did I work out? How many times did I speak at a genealogy society? How many genealogy seminars did I attend? How many times did I do something outdoors, like hiking and camping? How many books did I read this year? (This one I keep track with Goodreads.com. If you want to be my "friend" on there just ask!) How many squares of the quilt I started four years ago did I get done this year? And on and on... your list will be different.

Then I sit down with this list and can make realistic goals for the coming year. I can say realistically that next year I'd like to read 24 books because this year I was able to read 22 and surely I can add two more books. I can realistically say that next year I'd like to speak at 15 societies because this year I spoke at 13 and if I just inquire a little more, I will surely be able to speak 3 more times. I only managed to put together one strip for the quilt I'm working on. I can probably get at least one done on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, then I can plan to get four strips done in the next year. I have plenty to do and no time to sit around and whine over spilt milk. What's done is done. What's in the past is over and there's no getting it back, there's no changing what goals I didn't accomplish, and there's no since in beating myself up over it. Just take an inventory of what you've done and try to add a little more... this is the idea of the Compound Effect I wrote about early in this blog. I know in the past I've been disappointed because I have made wild, completely unrealistic goals for myself. Using my "year-end inventory" I can see what is actually realistic and go from there.

So, even though that fat jolly man isn't going to bring me a unicorn, I have a whole new year in front of me to plan, list, organize and create. I invite you to give yourself a true gift this year and try this little twist on New Year's Resolutions. Pull out your 2011 calendar and start tallying and add just a little bit more for next year. See how it works for you. I find it to be a whole lot less stressful and way more realistic. Happy Holidays and especially Happy New Year!

Coffee is Comfort

Coffee. Need I say more? It's warm, delicious, comforting somehow. This is my comfort food. It used to be mashed potatoes, when my grandma used to make them and I lived close enough to eat them in her kitchen. Some people like mac-n-cheese, others go for birthday cake or ice cream.  Since winter arrived, I have been craving coffee like mad! I know in the beginning I said I would give it up for a year, but I have failed. I don't feel too bad about it mainly because I have kept pretty steady with all of the other diet and lifestyle changes I said I'd do for a year. But coffee has kicked my butt.

There's something strong about comfort food and emotional eating. We all do it to some degree. We snack when we aren't hungry because we are bored. Feeling sad? We often reach for a carton of ice cream and watch a sappy romantic comedy. Anxious? I find myself turning to something crunchy which seems to satisfy the antsyness. Anytime we are feeling empty or lonely, having a full belly calms that feeling down and fills us up, at least temporarily. "Although there are a number of triggers that can lead to emotional eating, at the root of most cases is a desire to avoid or dull negative emotions, such as guilt, anxiety, or sadness." (Psychology Today "Emotional Eating Test")

On the flip side, I have found for myself that I tend to not eat enough when I am experiencing what I would call an "acute stress event" meaning something that's happening right now causing a lot of emotional pain. For example, when our daughter was a baby, she had to be hospitalized several times due to dehydration from excess vomiting. Watching your 10-month-old daughter have an IV inserted into her head (they are less likely to notice them there) is an "acute stress event" and the whole time I stayed in the hospital with her, I did not feel like eating. Also, if feelings of being "down" or depressed lasts long enough for me, I can also not eat enough, which will sabotage any weight loss attempts.

So, how to curb emotional eating? I found this quick and to-the-point article on the topic. Basically, exercise, taking a bath, some sort of breathing exercise or yoga, being social with a friend, playing a game, journal, clean the house, or my favorite, organize the closets and drawers. I also try to watch comedies, like short sitcoms such as The Office, 30 Rock or Friends, something that will really make me laugh. As some wise person said "laughter is the best medicine" and I might argue that a little coffee never hurt either!

Negative Space

There is a technique in art called "negative space" meaning basically, by drawing the space around the objects, you end up drawing the objects. The objects are created by the space around them and not by the objects themselves. This is a simple yet thought provoking technique. Are we made of ourselves, the "positive space" or by that which surrounds us, the "negative space?"

I know it has been a while since I have written a post. I have had a rough couple of months and I learned early on as a kid "if you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all." I have been under the impression that if I don't have anything positive to report then I shouldn't write. But that's not realistic, that's not the way life goes. Sometimes you make the most carefully laid and seemingly solid plans and then life throws you a curve ball.

I quit my job in October, my last day was November 11. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life. I loved my job. I loved the work, the people, the opportunities and the philosophy. Sometimes it becomes obvious, however, when it is time to let something go for the betterment of everyone involved. When the cons outweigh the pros, when you go home every night exhausted, when you no longer feel like you are adding to the growth of the business and instead feel like you are limiting it, then it's time to go.

It has been three weeks since I left. First, I spent many hours lying in bed grieving, wondering where I went wrong. Then I spent many hours watching The Office because it made me laugh until I got to the episode where Michael called Pam (after she quit to go back to art school) just because he missed her. Then I spent many hours reading, among other things finishing Deepak Chopra's Buddha which ends with letting go and becoming detached from everyone and everything. I have also spent some time making plans for the new chapter in my life. I have applied to grad school and while I'm waiting to hear if I've been accepted, I am taking some classes at the local community college. I was also offered another job doing very similar work. I start all of this, very appropriately, in January, right after the New Year.

And even while all of this chaos has been going on in my head, I have managed to stay above water with my training and diet, which has been modified from the original Paleo diet at the request of my trainer. Unfortunately I have not made much measurable progress in terms of weight loss, fat loss and muscle gain. I began working out with my trainer in September. I work out five to six days per week, three of those include a personal training session. And still, not much progress. Rather discouraging. But I know that the key to succeeding is keeping it up, putting one sneakered foot in front of the other every day.

Last week I had another assessment and we discussed my diet more specifically. She gave me very specific guidelines to meet daily in regards to fat and carb limits, protein minimums and a target caloric intake. It turned out while what I was eating was "ok" it wasn't in the right proportions or times of day. I began using an app on my iPhone called "Lose It" which allows me to enter into a log what I am eating and then it calculates my calories, fat, carbs and protein. Then I can see exactly how much I've had. Usually I don't have enough calories or proteins. I usually find it quite difficult to get enough but the app is helping me. The first week I used it and got the proportions right, I lost 3 pounds. We will see if that trend persists. Keeping up with the exercise has also helped my mood, believe it or not.

All in all, I am honestly doing fine, much better actually. I am excited about where life is taking me. I have many new opportunities on the horizon and I have had plenty of time to process, contemplate, feel, work on issues within myself and get some things done around my house that I hadn't had time to do. I'm also traveling a bit, seeing friends and taking some time for myself. So, this new life is taking shape and I'm beginning to see the picture within.