Clutter For Sale - CHEAP!

It has been a little while since I've written a post... I spent last week purging my stuff and getting it ready for a garage sale. We've lived in our house for 8 years now and the stuff really piles up! I was ready to get rid of a lot of stuff. I let go of things that I am not attached to anymore and some things that I thought I might be attached to but after thinking about it, was not as attached as I thought I was.

I really felt the need to get out from under a lot of "stuff" much like I felt the need to purge my body from a lot of "stuff" ... internal, physical clutter. We don't need to hang on to all of the stuff, all of the items we seem to think are going to make us feel better, going to fulfill us somehow when all that really happens is a short amount of distraction time with whatever new item you just bought and then it sits in the basement or the closet for the next eight years until you have a garage sale.

We think that buying, collecting, accumulating stuff is going to solve something. I know we are a consumer society, but did you ever think about why? I am sure there are a lot of theories out there about societal order and the reasons about why things are the way they are. However, in my own life, I am pretty sure it serves as a distraction from what I don't want to deal with or it serves to fulfill some perceived hole in my self. And by buying and collecting more and more stuff I think I can fill that hole. Basically, years later, thousands of dollars gone, and stuff up to my eyeballs I still perceive an inner hole and now I have a bunch of unwanted stuff and a credit card bill.

I was beginning to feel like I was on an episode of "Hoarders" ... After our garage sale was over, we still donated 5 giant bags of clothes, 6 boxes of books, and over flowed our giant trash can and recycling can! It feels great! It is amazing how much so much stuff can really bog you down. So, just like purging the physical, body clutter I have also cleared up a lot of the external "stuff" clutter.

I have had a lot of fear bout letting go of stuff. "If I don't have this stuff, then what is left?" And the fear is that what's left is not good for anything. That the stuff that's left is just ME and then the insecurities, low self-esteem and feelings of worthlessness (that probably all of us have, just some more than others) creep in and tell me that what's left is nothing. That I (ME) isn't good enough.

So I'm "sitting" with this right now, that there's a lot less left. Obviously I didn't get rid of EVERYTHING and join a monastery with a vow of poverty. I still have stuff, but I let go of a lot of stuff and everything seems a little bit more clear now.

Clearing out the Cobwebs

Cobwebs and dust, old boxes, trash, yellowed newspapers... this might sound like someone's attic but really it is what I feel like I used to be like inside before I undertook this journey. I'm just so much more clear in my head. Years of crap have been cleaned out of my brain, my mind, my soul.

I think it's interesting that we can generally put on a pretty good front, never really letting people know us. I think over the years I got pretty good at seeming happy, smiling, making jokes, being helpful. But the people who know you most or who are paying more attention can tell when you're not being true. Over the past year maybe, it got harder and harder for me to keep up the front, or maybe the people around me were just being more aware. In either case, this undertaking was bound to happen.

I've been on a path to try to heal some issues from my past. Spiritually speaking, it has become apparent to my that God has a purpose for me and all of the stuff that happened to me. I've been getting this message over and over and over again. When I hear the same message so many times, I start to think God must be telling me something. I've heard this from various trusted people in my life, Dr. John started it and it just keeps coming at me. Saturday night I attended Flatirons Church in Lafayette and the message followed along with lines of thought from several of my last blog posts. And then Jim said something to the effect of "Plenty of people have had the same things happen to them and they are no longer in the race. Why are you still here? God still has a purpose for your life."

So, by cleaning out the cobwebs, I have been able to hear God more clearly. I'm beginning to feel and understand and really get some of His promises and principles that I've struggled with for a long time. It is amazing me still everyday since I started this diet how far-reaching it has been and everyday I'm excited to see what new area is going to open up for me because I'm not bogged down by the crap.

Be the Tortoise

You are going to run into challenges with whatever you are doing in your life. That's what life is about. I believe if there were no challenges, no curve balls, no seemingly bad situations that arise for you to overcome, that's when life is over. That's when God decides we're done here and he takes us home.

Sometimes, just a little bit of cake doesn't seem so bad. Sometimes that little voice starts talking to you, convincing you that "it's just one bite of cake. That's not going to hurt you." But I now see and am in control of knowing that "just one bite" turns into the whole darned thing and, as my friend Kelly put it "well, shit, I just already ate crappy, what else can I shove in my mouth?" And then before I know it, I've consistently eaten crappy for weeks on end.

Darren Hardy talks about your "walls" in his book The Compound Effect. The "walls" are those times when you have to decide if you're going to keep going or not. He says in the book that "it's not getting to the wall that counts; it's what you do after you hit it." He stated "Winning the race is all about pace. Be the tortoise. The person who, given enough time, will be virtually anybody in any competition as a result of positive habits and behaviors applied consistently."

I would describe myself as the tortoise. I can stick with situations even when they are tough, I have consistent routines (some would call that being in a rut), I persevere through situations or relationships, I stick things out. I am loyal beyond when it's even healthy for me to be loyal. So I have the ability to keep the pace for a long, consistent time.

However, I would have to say that over the past 38 years, the things I've been consistent with have not been serving me well. I have not been healthy, I have not been happy, I have not been energetic or excited about life, I have not been able to stand up for myself when I've needed to. I have been consistently eating poorly, drinking coffee, drinking alcohol, not exercising, etc. All of these things over time, have yielded depression, anxiety, weight gain, illness, and a general dissatisfaction with life.

Lance Armstrong wrote "there is a point in every race when a rider encounters his real opponent and understands that it's himself." I came to that point when I decided to "go all in" on this diet. I came to the understanding that I was the one holding ME back. I had to get OK with that, take the responsibility for it, and then work to overcome MYSELF. It's so true. They say "you are your own worst enemy." No one can control what you are thinking about, what you are are happy, sad or angry about. You have to decide what you are going to do, what you are going to have and what you are going to be.

"...you get in life what you tolerate... Put another way, you will get what you accept and expect you are worthy of." And my favorite way of saying the same idea: "If you always do what you've always done then you'll always get what you've always got." (I don't know who said that first but it sums it up pretty well!)

When things come together

For years, I have struggled with depression, mental fatigue, extremely low energy and just a general unhappiness or dissatisfaction with my life. Everyone has a traumatic childhood in one way or another. I won't bore you with details here, that's a story for another day. But I've struggled to make peace with the past and let go of some of that past hurt that just needs to heal.

For the past almost 4 years I've been working with Dr. John Wendt to try to heal many of these past traumas using Neuro-Emotional Technique (NET). We've also worked on my diet and balancing my blood sugar; he's done a lot of structural work on my spine; we've worked on goal-setting, positive thinking, etc. He's even gotten me seeing a hypnotherapist, Rachel Mullis Koenigsburg! Each new thing Dr. John has done has been one step closer to feeling like I'm getting better.

I've been eating mainly vegetables and meat for 3 weeks now. No coffee, alcohol, sugar, grains (with the exception of a little rice, and by little I mean I've maybe had about 1 cup of rice total in the last 3 weeks) or dairy. And I'm feeling great! No only physically but mentally and emotionally I'm much clearer. Decisions don't seem so difficult. I don't feel emotionally swept up in other people's drama. If someone treats me like a jerk, then they can go ahead. And if it really messes up my day, I've been able to say so lately. Things that happen that would normally upset me, don't seem to be big deals anymore. It feels like all of the crap that was storing up in my body and brain was weighing me down, clouding my mind and keeping me from feeling happiness.

It's like many pieces of a big puzzle are finally coming together and making a bigger picture that I can begin to understand. I was always on the right path with the work I've been doing with Dr. John. But I had to make the decision to go "all in" and really give the change in diet a chance. I feel like it is having such a positive affect on many areas of my health and I can't emphasize enough that you really "are what you eat." If you eat crap, you're going to feel like crap. If you eat food that's full of vitality, energy and nutrients, you will be full of energy and vitality!

Thinking of how all of these "roads" are coming together for me, I am reminded of this verse from the Bible:

"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." Romans 8:28