Be the Tortoise

You are going to run into challenges with whatever you are doing in your life. That's what life is about. I believe if there were no challenges, no curve balls, no seemingly bad situations that arise for you to overcome, that's when life is over. That's when God decides we're done here and he takes us home.

Sometimes, just a little bit of cake doesn't seem so bad. Sometimes that little voice starts talking to you, convincing you that "it's just one bite of cake. That's not going to hurt you." But I now see and am in control of knowing that "just one bite" turns into the whole darned thing and, as my friend Kelly put it "well, shit, I just already ate crappy, what else can I shove in my mouth?" And then before I know it, I've consistently eaten crappy for weeks on end.

Darren Hardy talks about your "walls" in his book The Compound Effect. The "walls" are those times when you have to decide if you're going to keep going or not. He says in the book that "it's not getting to the wall that counts; it's what you do after you hit it." He stated "Winning the race is all about pace. Be the tortoise. The person who, given enough time, will be virtually anybody in any competition as a result of positive habits and behaviors applied consistently."

I would describe myself as the tortoise. I can stick with situations even when they are tough, I have consistent routines (some would call that being in a rut), I persevere through situations or relationships, I stick things out. I am loyal beyond when it's even healthy for me to be loyal. So I have the ability to keep the pace for a long, consistent time.

However, I would have to say that over the past 38 years, the things I've been consistent with have not been serving me well. I have not been healthy, I have not been happy, I have not been energetic or excited about life, I have not been able to stand up for myself when I've needed to. I have been consistently eating poorly, drinking coffee, drinking alcohol, not exercising, etc. All of these things over time, have yielded depression, anxiety, weight gain, illness, and a general dissatisfaction with life.

Lance Armstrong wrote "there is a point in every race when a rider encounters his real opponent and understands that it's himself." I came to that point when I decided to "go all in" on this diet. I came to the understanding that I was the one holding ME back. I had to get OK with that, take the responsibility for it, and then work to overcome MYSELF. It's so true. They say "you are your own worst enemy." No one can control what you are thinking about, what you are are happy, sad or angry about. You have to decide what you are going to do, what you are going to have and what you are going to be.

"...you get in life what you tolerate... Put another way, you will get what you accept and expect you are worthy of." And my favorite way of saying the same idea: "If you always do what you've always done then you'll always get what you've always got." (I don't know who said that first but it sums it up pretty well!)

Day 6 - Feeling Great!

So, I started out as all detoxification diets go: sluggish, flu-like symptoms, blood sugar imbalance, headache, shakes, exhausted, cranky. It was like withdrawing from drugs. And I guess that's an accurate description. I was addicted, addicted to gluten, sugar, coffee ... convenience.

I made it through the withdrawal symptoms more quickly than I have in the past when undergoing a detoxification diet. Usually it has taken about four days. This time only two and I don't know if that is because I did a detox in January or because I'm taking Repairvite right now. (Repairvite is a product from Apex Energetics that is meant to help heal the gut lining while on a strict diet.) By Friday I was feeling GREAT! My energy is up, I don't feel sluggish trying to get up in the morning, my mood is better and I've lost 7 lbs!

I would have to say that the hardest part is changing my habits. It is a habit to stop by the coffee shop in the morning or during the day if I'm going to take a drive somewhere. It is a habit to not prepare my meals ahead of time and thus finding myself hungry and away from home and falling into the fast food trap. It is a habit to feel crappy and sleep until the last possible minute in the morning thereby not getting up to exercise or read an uplifting book. It is a habit that when I'm alone, often depressed, I reach for a sugary food item to make myself feel better in the moment when all that does is add calories and inches and more sluggishness.

The second hardest part is shutting up that voice in my head that keeps saying "Just one cup of coffee isn't going to hurt anything... Just one small cookie, that's not going to set you back... You'll never be able to do this for a whole year, you might as well give up now and save yourself some time. Why deny yourself these things that make you feel good?" That voice is tricky sometimes! I have found myself listening it it unconsciously, very nearly buying a coffee or a brownie before I realized what I was doing! It's scary how unconscious we become... We live on autopilot and don't put a lot of thought into our actions.

I'm still reading Darren Hardy's The Compound Effect which is a great manual for getting a hold of your life again. I just read the section on "bookends" for your day. You may not be able to control what goes on in the middle of your day, taking your kids to school, traffic, interactions at work, the line at the grocery store, but you can control the beginning and end of your day through having a routine. This is the next part of my journey, setting up a good morning and night routine.

I've been waking up at 5am all on my own the last few days. My plan with that time is to change my habit of laying in bed to getting up and exercising and/or reading a good book. I also tend to watch a TV show before bed and before I know it, it's 10:30 or 11:00. I'd like to change that bookend to be one of journaling, blogging and reading. Just getting control over my "bookends" and doing what I want and what is good for me will be so powerful.

I'm doing great so far and I'm so excited about where I will be in 359 days!

My 1-year plan

I'm doing something radical. It's time to change my life. I've suffered from chronic low back pain, depression, being overweight, and it's time I took back my life. I'm tired of feeling broken, unable, victimized, left out, unhappy, dissatisfied and sad.

I work with an amazing doctor, Dr. John Wendt, who has been teaching me, either by teaching me when we have a few minutes in the office, or through sharing his patients' successes with me, or by being a role model, about health. Most specifically about how we can take care of our health ourselves, take responsibility for how we are or where we are physically.

Over the past 3 1/2 years that I've worked with Dr. John, I have done several detoxification diets. This in and of itself is an amazing thing to me when I look back at who I was 5 years ago. I would never have thought that I would be able to or even want to control what I eat for a certain amount of time in order to see a positive change in my health. I just didn't know it was possible. I felt a victim to my genetics, to my own body, to the media, to being too busy, whatever, and I didn't look at ME as the reason.

If you've never done a detoxification diet, depending on the specific diet, you cut out certain foods and eat only good, healthy food, mainly meat, vegetables and fruits and you do this for 21 days. There are several different diets that I've done each involving their own supplements or shakes. But it didn't matter which one, the challenge has always been the same. I have terrible food cravings. TERRIBLE. Honestly, it's a voice in my head convincing me that just one coffee, chocolate, fast food hamburger and fries, Dr. Pepper, etc. will be ok. I understand the health benefits of these diets but the over arching benefit has been being able to control the cravings, control the voice. And honestly, I haven't always been "perfect" on these diets. The voice convinces me that just one bite is ok. (Well before you know it, you've eaten an entire slice of pizza, or had several potato chips instead of that "just one" you originally intended.

I've been reading Darren Hardy's "The Compound Effect" which is an awesome book. He says that in order to change, to get the Compound Effect you should test yourself and see if you own your habits or if they own you. He challenges his readers to quit a habit (coffee, Dr. Pepper, TV, etc) for 30 days, just to make sure you can do it. I think if you can't it's as strong as any drug addiction. I was really affected by the idea of my habits owning me... and I think this is where I have been living for the past 5, 10, 15 years?

So, last night, Dr. John and I were sitting in a seminar put on by Apex Energetics. Dr. Steadman was speaking about how the integrity of the gut affects the brain. This company has a new product and diet out called Repairvite which basically helps your body heal the gut lining and in turn many brain-based problems clear up. I had decided several weeks ago to go on this diet for two reasons, it would be "good" for me and I like undergoing the diets and other therapies that Dr. John gives his patients so I know what they are going through and I can answer their questions effectively when they call the office. Dr. Steadman is describing how really badly some people's health is and how awesome this diet is and how it can really help them. I said to Dr. John "so why would you not just keep eating this way if it is so beneficial? ... I'm going to eat this way for a long time." Now, I don't know which one of us suggested a year, but I said yes and we shook on it!

A year without eating gluten, coffee, alcohol, chocolate?!? What was I thinking? Actually I feel quite sound in my decision and I'm posting it here to have some accountability. I plan on writing about it from time to time to keep you updated or to keep myself motivated... either way.

So my biggest challenge right now is not giving in to that voice that's trying to convince me that one sip of coffee won't hurt! BUT... I have managed to go to the coffee shop twice and order herbal tea! And this was while no one was around, no one would have known if I'd have had one small cup of coffee! Hooray for me!