Negative Space

There is a technique in art called "negative space" meaning basically, by drawing the space around the objects, you end up drawing the objects. The objects are created by the space around them and not by the objects themselves. This is a simple yet thought provoking technique. Are we made of ourselves, the "positive space" or by that which surrounds us, the "negative space?"

I know it has been a while since I have written a post. I have had a rough couple of months and I learned early on as a kid "if you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all." I have been under the impression that if I don't have anything positive to report then I shouldn't write. But that's not realistic, that's not the way life goes. Sometimes you make the most carefully laid and seemingly solid plans and then life throws you a curve ball.

I quit my job in October, my last day was November 11. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life. I loved my job. I loved the work, the people, the opportunities and the philosophy. Sometimes it becomes obvious, however, when it is time to let something go for the betterment of everyone involved. When the cons outweigh the pros, when you go home every night exhausted, when you no longer feel like you are adding to the growth of the business and instead feel like you are limiting it, then it's time to go.

It has been three weeks since I left. First, I spent many hours lying in bed grieving, wondering where I went wrong. Then I spent many hours watching The Office because it made me laugh until I got to the episode where Michael called Pam (after she quit to go back to art school) just because he missed her. Then I spent many hours reading, among other things finishing Deepak Chopra's Buddha which ends with letting go and becoming detached from everyone and everything. I have also spent some time making plans for the new chapter in my life. I have applied to grad school and while I'm waiting to hear if I've been accepted, I am taking some classes at the local community college. I was also offered another job doing very similar work. I start all of this, very appropriately, in January, right after the New Year.

And even while all of this chaos has been going on in my head, I have managed to stay above water with my training and diet, which has been modified from the original Paleo diet at the request of my trainer. Unfortunately I have not made much measurable progress in terms of weight loss, fat loss and muscle gain. I began working out with my trainer in September. I work out five to six days per week, three of those include a personal training session. And still, not much progress. Rather discouraging. But I know that the key to succeeding is keeping it up, putting one sneakered foot in front of the other every day.

Last week I had another assessment and we discussed my diet more specifically. She gave me very specific guidelines to meet daily in regards to fat and carb limits, protein minimums and a target caloric intake. It turned out while what I was eating was "ok" it wasn't in the right proportions or times of day. I began using an app on my iPhone called "Lose It" which allows me to enter into a log what I am eating and then it calculates my calories, fat, carbs and protein. Then I can see exactly how much I've had. Usually I don't have enough calories or proteins. I usually find it quite difficult to get enough but the app is helping me. The first week I used it and got the proportions right, I lost 3 pounds. We will see if that trend persists. Keeping up with the exercise has also helped my mood, believe it or not.

All in all, I am honestly doing fine, much better actually. I am excited about where life is taking me. I have many new opportunities on the horizon and I have had plenty of time to process, contemplate, feel, work on issues within myself and get some things done around my house that I hadn't had time to do. I'm also traveling a bit, seeing friends and taking some time for myself. So, this new life is taking shape and I'm beginning to see the picture within.