Resolutions, Really?: A New Take on an Old Tradition

I'm not a big fan of Christmas. As a kid it was always built up by the adults around me. "Are you excited for Christmas?" "What's Santa going to bring you?" "I'll bet you can't wait to open your presents! They are going to be great!" But after several years of the actual day not living up to the build-up that preceded it, I can just be an all out grump on Christmas. Well, now that I have kids I try to keep that in check. It is a real joy to watch them be wowed by their gifts although my son always seems disappointed in what he's gotten. (I know how you feel kid.) I don't know what I was expecting as a kid that always led to the disappointment but the way the grown-ups made it seem I'm sure it was something on the order of dancing unicorns with sparkling stars and rainbows following behind. Maybe I was hoping to get what I actually asked Santa for. Who knows. And try as we might to redirect our kids' expectations away from gifts and toward enjoying the real reason for the season, charity, giving more than receiving, my son seems plagued by the same build-up and disappointment. So this year, I've told him I haven't gotten them anything (he knows I'm kidding, I'm not THAT mean). I'm hoping maybe then when he gets the overly extravagant gift we've gotten then, he'll be satisfied and excited. Maybe not. It's not sparkly unicorns, or in his case, Goku in the flesh. But then again, maybe not. (Actually I think just like me, my son is way more impressed with gifts of time and attention than gifts of material things.)

Even as much as I dislike Christmas and the disappointment that Santa doesn't really exist, I have always loved New Year's. Especially the week leading up to it. It is exciting to have a blank slate in front of you, a whole year ahead to change things, to start fresh, to have a new life. It just feels like life is wide open. I get the euphoric sense that anything is possible. I write down goals, I plan, I make lists, I declutter and organize. There's just something about an entire year set before me that inspires me.

Of course, as time ticks by and I don't get as much done as I had hoped, I feel a little down. One way to avoid getting too down on myself for not getting as much done as I wanted is by taking what I've come to call a "year-end inventory." Basically I sit down with my calendar (I used to keep a paper daily appointment book, but now it's on my computer) and add up what I've done for the year. I make a list of all of the things I did accomplish so I can see, not relying merely on memory, what exactly I did all year. Then I can see numerically what I've done. How many times did I work out? How many times did I speak at a genealogy society? How many genealogy seminars did I attend? How many times did I do something outdoors, like hiking and camping? How many books did I read this year? (This one I keep track with Goodreads.com. If you want to be my "friend" on there just ask!) How many squares of the quilt I started four years ago did I get done this year? And on and on... your list will be different.

Then I sit down with this list and can make realistic goals for the coming year. I can say realistically that next year I'd like to read 24 books because this year I was able to read 22 and surely I can add two more books. I can realistically say that next year I'd like to speak at 15 societies because this year I spoke at 13 and if I just inquire a little more, I will surely be able to speak 3 more times. I only managed to put together one strip for the quilt I'm working on. I can probably get at least one done on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, then I can plan to get four strips done in the next year. I have plenty to do and no time to sit around and whine over spilt milk. What's done is done. What's in the past is over and there's no getting it back, there's no changing what goals I didn't accomplish, and there's no since in beating myself up over it. Just take an inventory of what you've done and try to add a little more... this is the idea of the Compound Effect I wrote about early in this blog. I know in the past I've been disappointed because I have made wild, completely unrealistic goals for myself. Using my "year-end inventory" I can see what is actually realistic and go from there.

So, even though that fat jolly man isn't going to bring me a unicorn, I have a whole new year in front of me to plan, list, organize and create. I invite you to give yourself a true gift this year and try this little twist on New Year's Resolutions. Pull out your 2011 calendar and start tallying and add just a little bit more for next year. See how it works for you. I find it to be a whole lot less stressful and way more realistic. Happy Holidays and especially Happy New Year!